Posts Tagged ‘Relationships

17
Dec

A Material World

By Eleen Por 5 Comments
Categories: Life & Love and People
Tags: ,

Recently, a friend got attached and when I asked her why she decided on that particular dude after she has rejected so many who had been standing in line and working hard at winning her heart, her answer shocked me to silence.

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“Because he bought me the latest ***insert the brand name of a super expensive watch*** model which I’ve been eyeing for awhile now”

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Huh??!!? For a few seconds there, I could say nothing but gape at her in disbelief. Only to be shocked a 2nd time when another galfren said “It’s OK if you don’t really feel that hot about him now but over time, I’m sure you will grow to love him”

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What?!?! When did I go to sleep and wake up to a whole new, materialistic world???? I was *so* shocked that I had to excuse myself from those women and took some time to regain my composure.

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That got me thinking. How many percent of women in this world today think like them and how many of the rest are aghast at those tots like me? And it made me think about past conversations I’ve had with other galfrens which I’ve not given 2 hoots about, mainly because i don’t agree with them. I guess it wasn’t because the world changed when I blinked but more a case of denial on my part.

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Some of the past comments from women all around. Some I heard first-hand. Some were passed around as ‘useful tips’.

  • How much does your bf/husband give you for pocket money each month? (doesn’t matter if you have your own career or not)
  • Make sure your bf/husband takes you on a vacation at least once a year. Must make it an annual habit so that he ‘gets used’ to it
  • Ask for at least an expensive gift (better if it’s a branded handbag or shoes that cost a couple of grand) for your birthday/X’mas
  • Make sure you NEVER pay for your own meals/drinks/movie tickets when you’re out with him. EVER!
  • Dudes who drive foreign cars (ie : not Proton or Perodua) score higher points in the courting phase
  • If he is not willing to spend alot of money on you, he is not worth it. There are many other (richer) guys out there!
  • If he offers to buy you a biz class flight ticket to go for a vacation, DO NOT BE STUPID and insist on an economy class ticket! (I failed miserably in this category)

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The list actually goes on for a few pages but I think you get the idea. Some are so ridiculous (IMHO lah) that I LOL-ed so hard and had me going “Are you kidding me?!?!?” a couple of times just to make sure I heard them right.

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So, it all boils down to : To each her own.

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And I guess I will always be the ’stupid woman’ to the other ladies who get to show off their branded watches, handbags and vacation pictures while I will most probably be watching pirated DVDs at home with my man.

04
Dec

I told you so…

By Eleen Por 4 Comments
Categories: Friends, Life & Love and People
Tags: ,

These are 4 of my least favourite words. Especially if I have to be saying them to someone dear to me. ‘Cos more often than not, the situation will be a painful and emotional one. And although true, those words are actually rubbing salt to the wound.

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Rewind 1.5 years, a galfren came to me announcing that she was getting hitched. Now, I will be completely honest to say that I was not too happy with that news. Mainly becos she’d only known the guy for 4 months and as we all know, the first few months (up to a year) is the ‘honeymoon period’ and always the most exciting. The sex is great, all his/her idiosyncrasies are cute, and everything is a YES! YES! YES!

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No?

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After the first year, and especially if the couple starts to cohabitate, then all the ugliness surface and that is when the rest test begins. How strong the love is will determine the make or break of the relationship in the face of all those ugliness.

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I’m not sure about you folks but I personally need at least ONE YEAR (may be more, depending on the guy!) to get to know a guy inside out. To decide if I can have him in my Life - all the good and bad of it all. If  I can deal with the whole package. If despite all the things I may not like about him, will make me happy. And of cos, vice versa. I want the guy to take time to know all of me. Then decide if he can bear with my quirks and still love me enough to want to spend his life with me.

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So, I am sorry galfren. I really really really HATE to say this now but “I told you so!” :`(

27
Nov

“I’ve got news!”

By Eleen Por 6 Comments
Categories: Current Affairs, Food for Thought, Life & Love, Me, People and Social
Tags: , , , ,

Considering the enormity of my news, I was careful not to shock my friends when sharing it with them. Here’s how *every single* one of them responded.

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Me : Hey, I’ve got some news to share with ya. Quite a shocker actually.
Fren : Really??? Watisit???
Me : Make sure you are sitting down and do not have any food/drink in your mouth. Dun want you to fall or choke on your food/drink. Heh…
Fren : Wait…dun tell me. Lemme guess…YOU AND LEONG/AARON ARE GETTING MARRIED?!?!?!?!? CONGRATS!!!!!
Me : Huh??? No no no no no no no …..

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So folks, for the record :

  • We are not walking or running or skipping down the aisle
  • Dating someone for close to 4 yrs does not automatically equate wedding bells
  • We are still happily together
  • We still love each other very, very much

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Really. Let’s think Out of the Box for a moment. Everything we do in Life, we do it for a purpose. We work for money. We destress to keep sane. We eat to be happy (well, for me anyways. Hehe). We drink so some folks appear ‘acceptable’. And, we get married to….?

  • Have kids
  • Prove our commitment to each other
  • Bond ourselves together
  • Obtain financial stability
  • Keep loneliness away
  • Have a reason to cohabitate
  • Others?

And my (all rights reserved) answer to all of the above - BULLSHIT.

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So far, no one is able to give me ONE good reason to have a different opinion. Yes, that’s a DARE to ya, you-know-who…

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The only one in the list that is remotely acceptable is the first one (Let’s face it, we live in Asia. Malaysia some more. ‘Nuff said.) and guess what, there ain’t any maternal instinct knocking on my door (now or ever? Maybe. Dunno. Dun care atm) and all the other reasons are total CRAP. Definitely dun need to sign any papers to get all of them. In fact, I *already* have all of them. Those that I want and need anyways. :D
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So for us, it’s really very simple. As long as we are HAPPY together, as long as our love for each other is there to make us wanna BE together, we WILL stay together. No piece of paper is gonna change that. Ever.

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Oh, and my news - is still BIG.
If you don’t already know, call or ping me someway somehow. I promise I will leave no details out. :D

12
Nov

Appreciation

By Eleen Por 1 Comment
Categories: Life & Love
Tags: ,

“The staple motivation of a man from a relationship is appreciation. All men want to be looked up to, particularly by their partner.” - a tip I got from this dude.

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Again, thanks for sharing and for the reminder.

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When I first met him, he was suffering from acute lack of appreciation. For years, he believed that he did not deserve to be appreciated. That it’s OK to be put at the bottom of everyone’s priority list. So for years, he was miserable. He kept it all bottled up inside until the day the dam burst. And boy, did it burst!

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I told myself then that I will do all I can to appreciate all that he is, all that he could be and all that he soon came to mean to me. Admittedly, I missed a few steps. I faltered a little but hey, I never claimed to be perfect.

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All I can promise is that I will do my very best. To be the best of me. For the best of him.

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And hope with all my heart that he will do the same for me too.

06
Nov

Gift from the Sea

By Eleen Por 2 Comments
Categories: Books, Food for Thought and Life & Love
Tags: , , ,

“I read this today and thought of you, Eleen” - he said to me.

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Great excerpt from Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s best-loved book ”Gift From The Sea” :

“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way from moment to moment. It’s even a lie to pretend to.
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And yet this is exactly what most of us demand.
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We have so little faith on the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity … in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
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The only security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping even.
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Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what might be in dread or anticipation but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
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For relationships, too, must be like islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”
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So beautiful. :`)

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Thanks for sharing … and thanks for looking out for my heart. I am truly blessed.