Posts Tagged ‘Moving on

30
Jan

This is it…

By Eleen Por 0 Comments
Categories: People, Social and Work Excitement
Tags:

Today, I woke up in the morning expecting to feel many emotions but was surprised to find that all I felt was a numbness. An anticipated numbness.

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As I got ready to make my final trip to the office, I checked my external HDD one last time to make sure that I’ve transferred all my files from my laptop -  all of them collected in the past 8.5 yrs of my working life. Paranoidly, I checked the 20-odd PST files to make sure that they are all backed up in the external HDD. It would kill me to lose any of my precious files!

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Finally satisfied that all my files are secured in my external HDD, I made my way into the office for the last time as a badged employee. My next visit will be as a visitor.

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It was a short day for me. Cleaning my rather empty and very underutilised cube, checking for any last minute emails before finally passing my laptop and my badge to HR. Sweetheart teased me “How come didn’t bring your camera? Not gonna take any pix with any folks in the office meh?”

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I was surprised to realise that the thought of bringing a camera to the office on my last day did not occur to me at all. In fact, I skipped the entire going-around-bidding-farewell-to-folks episode. Most folks do that on their last day but strangely, I didn’t feel like doing that at all. Not because I have no memories that I’d want to take with me but because those memories are already secured in my heart and mind.

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Throughout the entire day, I kept waiting for the sadness to overwhelm me (I wanted to make sure that I was prepared and not make a weeping fool outta myself lah). The whole day, it eluded me. By the time I walked out of the building, I was still feeling … nothing.

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Perplexed, I asked Sweetheart “How come I don’t feel sad? I thought I’d be more emotional than I am now for leaving this place I consider my 2nd home for the past 8.5 yrs. Even when I moved department throughout the years, I was always having a hard time moving on to the next role. Each move was as emotionally draining for me as the previous one. How come this time I feel … nothing? It’s not like I no longer care for this place. I still love it with all my heart!”

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“It’s simple, really” Sweetheart reasoned with me. “Y’see, you have unconsciously detached yourself emotionally from the folks in the Penang office becos of your last 3 projects. You work hours that are different from the folks here and you see them so infrequently that you’ve forgotten how it is to see or spend time with them. Most of the time, you are working thruout the nights - thx to your global role and your US teams - and are not in the office physically much. You still feel attached to the company but not to the people in the company. It’s the people interaction that’ll tear at our hearts when we leave a place, and that is something you’ve not had for a long time already. That, baby, is why you feel ‘nothing’ today.”

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Hmmm…I really didn’t think of it that way till he pointed it out to me. Then I realised how he’d hit the nail on the head. I’ve been so severely lacking in human interaction work-wise that I’ve forgotten how it feels like to work with folks around me. Talking on their own phones, turning around for the occasional bitching or jokes, gossiping at the pantry, yakking away at the cafeteria.

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The only close contact I’ve had in the past 15 months is my speaker phone and my broadband connection at home. The folks I’ve interacted with are just voices over the phone and typed words in chat windows on my laptop screen.

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Wow…..didn’t realise my worklife has evolved into such a hermit life. I mean, I still meet up with some close buddies for lunch (or tea) and dinners on weekends. Fun times were still aplenty. Maybe that’s why I didn’t realise how much my worklife has changed till I took a backseat and looked back.

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I know without a single shred of doubt that I’ll struggle in the next few weeks as I go back to ‘normal worklife’. No more sleeping in till whatever time my body wakes up. No more lunch time at whatever time and wherever place and for however long. No more luxury of short lines and almost non-existant crowd at the banks and govt offices during weekdays. No more flexibility of going to the gym at whatever time on whichever day of the week.

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Suddenly, I am reminded again of why I have subconsciously chosen the hermit worklife. For all of the above flexibility and luxury, one couldn’t really complain much, eh…

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But all things, good or bad, will have to eventually come to an end.

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I am now ready for my next chapter. It may be tougher and more demanding but hey, those who know me will know that I never shy away from new challenges. Besides, golden opportunities like this seldom come knocking at our doors. I’d be a fool to not grab it and fly with it to the skies!

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As I look back, I realised I’ve really learnt and grown by leaps and bounds in the past 8.5 yrs. My life has been so enriched with the many folks I’ve met, the paths I’ve crossed, the lessons I’ve learnt (some more painfully than the others), the challenges I’ve met and conquered and ultimately, I walked out of the building today a much more confident and satisfied person.

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Thanks for all the memories … and who knows, I may be back! ;)

20
Jan

Meaningful Chapters - Part 2

By Eleen Por 0 Comments
Categories: Friends, People and Work Excitement
Tags: , ,

*Continuation from previous post*

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Suddenly, it’s déjà vu all over again. Memories of how the SPS team made me a scrapbook (which I still preciously keep up till today) on all the memories we shared together and how they will always be there for me even though we are no longer in the same team.

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I cried then. I am crying now. And this time, I am not just crying for the SPS team but for all the folks who’ve enriched my life in Dell.

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To answer the question that many folks have been asking me, here’s my answer.

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I am *NOT* leaving because :

  • I think Dell is Hell (I take this most personally!)
  • I hate my job
  • I loathe my boss
  • I am lonely working as the only team member on this part of the globe

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I am leaving because sometimes, we need to grab Life by the horns and make full use of the opportunities that come our way. And it’s not everyday that Opportunity comes a-knocking, y’know? I’m shaking in my pants thinking of venturing outta my 8.5 year comfort zone but heck, I’m so not gonna allow myself to get complacent!

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So it’s on to another chapter in my Life. Does not mean the previous chapters mean any less. In fact, they actually mean more now that I know they were the ones that paved the path into my future chapters. And this lifelong novel of mine is gonna be a long, long one to digest and enjoy.

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Come walk with me?

19
Jan

Meaningful Chapters - Part 1

By Eleen Por 0 Comments
Categories: Friends, Health & Fitness, People and Work Excitement
Tags: , ,

At first, it perplexed me. Why was I struggling with a simple thing such as writing a farewell note? Then as I gave it more thought, I realised that my main difficulty was not in writing the note but in putting all that I want to say to all those who have touched my heart and life in the past 8.5 years - in one single note.

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Then it struck me.

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I owe it to those pockets of folks who have walked with me through the years - some halfway, some just a short but meaningful distance, some all the way - to write them personal farewell notes. Not some frosty “It was a pleasure working with you, thank you” farewell templates one can easily download from the Net. No, they definitely deserve more than that. . So, I decided to break my farewell notes into 4 separate ones.

  1. For the leaders (all the big boys and gals) - To provide inputs and feedback on my experience working in the Dell team. What they did right and could do well to continue doing. What they did wrong and could do well to stop and change. I received an almost immediate response thanking me for the note and wishing me all the best. Very professional and deserving exchanges.
  2. For my program/project members - To thank them for the many positive and constructive ‘debates’ we have over our concalls. I’ve learnt so much from them in the past year. I wouldn’t trade them for any other!
  3. For my immediate team members (all of whom I’ve only met once ‘cos they’re all based in the US and UK) - To personally thank them for making the past 15 months of my Dell life so challenging and fulfilling. I couldn’t ask for a more dynamic team. They were the ones who made my decision to leave tougher than it already was.
  4. For my friends whom I’ve grown to love as family - This was the hardest note to write and took me the longest time to finish it. Not ‘cos I didn’t know what to write but ‘cos I wanted it to be perfect. To capture all that they have came to mean to me.

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It didn’t matter which of the above note I sent out, the responses I received were so overwhelming that they rendered me speechless! I had to take time away from my laptop to take better control of my emotions before I could write them some decent replies.

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Some snippets of the responses :

  • “I know I speak for many when I say you will be missed…”
  • “Don’t be a stranger in the streets!”
  • “I can’t write as well as you, but me gonna miss you LOADS!”
  • “I will be forever grateful for the valuable lessons you’ve taught me”
  • “I love your style, as in Chinese - we say 大方..”
  • “You’re leaving?! I tot you’ve grown roots here lah”
  • “Why, why, WHY are you leaving us???!??!?!”
  • “Thank you for the beautiful memories”
  • “Will miss your bubbly personality”
  • “We will miss your radiance!”
  • “Kalau kahwin jangan lupa jemput, ya…”
  • “Thank God for Facebook!”
  • “When’s the farewell party? Don’t forget to invite me!”

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They have indeed provided me with chestsful of treasures to take with me as I journey forward. I will definitely make new friendships and forge new working relationships but I am *so* keeping these ones tightly locked in my heart.

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*To be continued…*