“Change is the only thing constant in Life” - how true. I can’t help but be amazed by the reality of it. I thought I wanted and needed certain things and people in my life. Then Change came and wiped them off my plate. Putting new things on it and reminding me that there really is nothing constant in our lives.
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Slightly more than 8 years ago, I moved into a new world that soon moulded a huge part of my identity today. For close to a decade, I lived….I learnt…I loved…I laughed…and I was happy. Then Change came to visit. All things familiar suddenly needed to be replaced by the new and the unknown. As anxiety fills me up, I consoled myself with the fact that I have the strength and the resilience to bring back the rainbows into my skies.
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Four years ago, I was at the carefree peak of my life. Ever hungry for new challenges, Life to me then was a wanton breeze. The Devil could come knocking at my door and I would scorn at his face. Yes, I was that fearless and that carefree.
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Can’t exactly put my finger on how and when Change came into my life but today, I realised I have evolved into someone more stable. Someone who knows what she wants for the long term but is also not afraid to throw it all away in exchange of something else which she knows will reap better and happier future results. Yes, she became someone who made difficult decisions like drinking water on a parched day. WIthout a moment’s hesitation. On a survival’s instinct.
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I am sorry, galfriends. About what happened at the club. Trust me, I find them as tempting and as delicious as you all do too. But as I was wrapped in the arms of the leader of the pack, I didn’t feel the rush of excitement as I thought I would. Maybe 4 years ago, it would come flushing through my veins but this time round, it was different. As much as I wanted to make sure you girls get what you wanted, I also had to be fair to myself and get me what I wanted. And I must be honest with myself and with you that all I wanted then was to be back in my Sweetheart’s arms.
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Believe me, it was not because Sweetheart was not OK with it all. We have both evolved into a stage where we are comfortable with what we each want as long as it’s openly acknowledged and each others’ comfort level respected. He was totally comfortable with where we were at but I didn’t want what you girls wanted. Like I said, I just wanted to be back in my man’s arms.
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Consequently, you girls didn’t get what you wanted and for that, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I really wish I could’ve done a lot more for you girls but I also knew that it’d be wrong to do something which was missing my heart and soul. I’d be lying to myself and I hate doing that.
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So folks…do not fear Change. Embrace it and acknowledge that it’ll always be an intergral part of our lives. Some of those changes may be hard and require us longer time to get back on our feet but bounce back we will. It is true that what does not break us will definitely make us stronger.
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Hoo! Haah! :>
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